Thursday, April 30, 2009

Fatherly advice for Miley Cyrus and other Tween girls

Okay, so you make more in one day than I’ll earn in my entire life. Your father - who has probably been intimate with more women than I’ll know in my entire life – has guided you well.

Miley Cyrus, I have the two most wonderful children – about five years older than you – so I know I’m a great father. I have some fatherly advice for you beyond what your father has given you.

First, dump Justin Hunko. You’re only 16, he’s 20 something. Guys from 14 to 80 only want one thing from a girl, the conquest. Girls have a Romeo fetish – see Taylor Swift lyrics below.

Go out – you’ve got the money – go to Phoenix’ Desert Ridge (or Tempe Marketplace) any Friday or Saturday night. You’ll meet all sorts of guys; Slim and Shady, the white rappers, the skater boys, the gamers, the hair metal guys. Every variety you should be meeting at your age. Get as much experience dating different sort of guys and don’t settle on one until you’re at least 26.

No. 2, get a good education. Sure you’re making $400,000 per day, but you may not realize how many people are screwing you out of that money. You may be making that much, but the music industry leeches are probably costing you $600,000 per day. Get a business degree to learn how these vultures are taking your money.

Learn how to invest. Dubai – a foreign country – is trying to buy up the U.S. With your current and future earnings, you could probably buy that country – go ahead – buy In N Out Burgers while you’re at it. Invest in your future.

Go shopping. Have funs with your friend. I’ve heard it out of your own lips, you’re 16 going on 30. You work hard. Most girls your age are going to school, cleaning the house for mom, etc. You’re privileged, but you’re still ONLY 16 – enjoy it. You’ll never be 16 again – same when you’re 23.

Imagine the heads you’d turn at Desert Ridge when you, Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato and Vanessa Hudgens all head for the Hollister store. Have fun with it!

Love yourself. God create you – and everyone else on this planet – because he loved them. If God loves you, you can love yourself. That is so hard for so many Tween girls. Work on that as the number one thing in your life.

Lastly, listen to your parents. They’re not as dumb as you think. They’ve been around the track a few times themselves. If they don’t want you dating that one guy, there’s probably a good reason.

Also, stay away from Taylor Swift songs. She has a Pollyanna outlook on the world. Listen to the Tubes “Don’t Touch Me There” and similar songs.

Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
you’re gonna believe them
and when you’re fifteen
feeling like there nothing to figure out
well count to ten, take it in
then you’re on your very first date and he’s got a car
and you’re feeling like flying

Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
who changed his mind and we both cried

Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
you’re gonna believe them

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Next Miley Cyrus - Demi Lovato?

First, let me preface this by saying if I had five percent of Demi Lovato’s musical talent, I’d be lucky. You’ve seen the statements that Demi Lovato is the next Miley Cyrus. Here is exhibit A of no.

Both on Dancing With the Stars. While Lovato is pretty statuesque, and I mean in the sense her movements are like Spock from Star Trek or Bill Wyman from The Rolling Stones when compared to Miley Cyrus. Cyrus is everywhere all over the stage, much like Spiderman. Playing to the audience, the judges. It is just an outstanding performance.

That’s what makes Cyrus a stellar star. Both come from the Disney stable, but it is clear Cyrus has the better training. Let’s face it, Cyrus is the world’s number one star and there is no next Miley Cyrus.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Not even Miley Cyrus immune to Swine Flu

Found this on an online news site. I swear it's Miley Cyrus. Not even $400,000 per day can help you overcome Swine Flu.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Tween’s creating movie box office records

from Wikipedia and Myspace

While the national media whines about the economy’s ill health, tweens are sending movie box office receipts into the stratosphere.

Associated Press’ David Germain (any relation to my journalism professor Leonard Germain?) reports “Studios head into summer on a box-office tear, with receipts running at a record pace.”

Who led that? Hannah Montana Movie with $42-million two weeks ago. Last week Zac Efron’s 17 Again with $12 million and this weekend another tween idol, Beyonce (even though she’s out of the tween demographic, she still gets Radio Disney play) took the crown with $29 million.

It will continue through the summer as Hollywood realizes the power of Tweens – they’re taking advantage of it; why isn’t your company tapping into this $3-billion per year spending power?

Other summer blockbusters will be another Hayden Panettierre venture, I love you Beth Cooper, opening July 10. Doesn’t matter what the plot is. That $3 billion tween market is half boys reaching puberty. Then you have the college boys in love with Panetttierre, also every guy from TMZ who will hype the heck out of this movie and don’t forget the dirty old men. This one could beat Woverine.

Bandslam, opening August 14, is Vanessa Hudgens, sans Zac Efron, in her first movie outside High School Musical. It also introduces a mature Alyson Michalka. You know her as half of Aly and AJ. It will be interesting to see how she sheds that Super Sweet 16 and Cow Belles image. Bet it will be Hudgens pulling the weight in the movie, though. Look for Bandslam to put Efron’s $24 million opening weekend to shame. More tween dollars rolling in for Hollywood.

The biggest movie of the summer will probably be Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. The original series fans are near 20, they’ll go see this and the 8 to 14 will need to go to see the “buzz.”

Unfortunately Hannah Montana Movie is rapidly headed to the $1 movie places. Its first week #1, last week #4, this week #8. As bad as Jonas Brothers 3D. Is that out on DVD yet?

17 Again is holding strong at #2 with $12 more million on top of last weekend’s $24 million. Hannah Montana movie has grossed $61 million in three weekends, so Efron is doing half that.

Expect 17 Again to drop fantastically this coming weekend as the biggest blockbuster this year (probably topping Hannah Montana $42 million easily) features a real hunk, Woverine, dropping his shirt in X Men Origins. That has been Efron’s main draw.

Personally, I can’t wait for X Men Origins Storm when Haley Berry drops her shirt.

Look for The Boat That Rocked about British pirate radio to draw baby boomers. Wonder if that generation can challenge tweens for box office dollars.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Today’s pick hit

From wikipedia, and yes, she does look like one of my nieces.

Let Miley Cyrus become the youngest singer ever to sweep the charts with three #1 CDs. Ciara has five years under her belt performing, releasing her first CD in 2004.

It is easy to be a fan of Cyrus, Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens and listen to Ciara. If you’ve picked up on Metro Station and Fall Out Boy through Twitter follows of the Tween hotties, it is easy to add Ciara to your listening pallet. After all, how many people you know – outside of Cyrus – that have sold 10-million CDs/downloads?